I have a confession to make.
Every morning for the past 3 years I’ve buried a woman. Some nights I dig up her grave, reminisce over her and in the morning, I bury her again. It’s morbid. I should just let her go and rejoice in life without her.
She is me.
I was changed 3 years ago when I found out I was going to be a mother. It’s so cliche – but you are changed.
I enjoyed my life prior to children – I drank socially, partied most weekends, ate soft cheeses, sushi and stayed up past 9:30 pm on a weekend! I went to dance clubs, had a smokin’ body – looked after said body with a rigorous workout routine. I had perky boobs a firm butt and no stretch marks. My hair was long, lavish and washed most days. I could wear skin tight jeans that showed off just the right amount of curve. I could rock a thong and not feel silly. If I wanted to, I would pick up and move at the drop of a hat. Hell, if I wanted chips at 2:30 in the morning, I could go get some chips!
Then – 2 lines on a pee stick and I was changed.
I enjoy my life now. I have two beautiful children who have stretched my body and heart in ways I didn’t know possible. I still drink socially (if you count drinking with a dog, cat and husband being social), but its less frequent-ish. I go to parties…but these are generally filled with other small children. Soft cheeses give me heartburn and the last time I had sushi I got food poisoning. I rarely have time to deep condition my hair, I rock comfy pants. My boobs – well, let’s say 2 bouts of breastfeeding and they aren’t where they used to be! I teach a dance fitness, and while I may not have the smokin’ hot body of the 25 year old me, I have a body that moves with grace and pride, after all, it grew two humans. I have more curves, and they’re softer but much better for small bodies to be comforted with. Now, I just find thongs uncomfortable.
This may sound like I’m complaining – and there are some days where I really miss that girl, but every morning I bury that girl, because the woman who gets up has two sweet souls who adore her.