I’ve had a few friends over the past few months become pregnant with their second child. A few of them have asked what it’s like to be a second time mommy. Well. I can only say what is my truth…so here it is.
1. Some days, it’s the biggest shit show I’ve ever attended. Like ‘Nope. Nuh-uh. I. Did. Not. Sign. Up. For. This.’ It’s ok – it’s normal to feel this way and that’s why there is wine, chocolate and whatever other outlet you have. Use it and use it frequently.
2. Your new baby and 1st child (if still napping) will plot against you and definitely NOT nap together consistently. Getting them to do this will be a 7 part epic Lord of the Rings style journey. You’ll need a wizard and if you succeed in this – please send the wizard my way.
3. You’ll miss your first born. Especially in those first few weeks when your newborn just wants to be on you. Your first born will miss you and may show this by some days becoming a complete jerk. Again, normal and please use your outlet.
4. Your toddler will have enough mood swings to give you whiplash. You’ll go from crying and whining to happy in the blink of an eye. Embrace the crazy and roll with it.
5. Long gone are the days where you could contentedly ‘Netflix and Nurse’ (or bottle feed and snuggle) like you did with your first born. Staying in bed and just nursing all day? Pffffffffffffftttttttt. Don’t even reminisce over that.
6. Playgroups are your friend. Go to playgroups – find other kids about the same age as yours and go. Your toddler will play, make friends and you won’t feel so guilty over not being able to play with them.
7. Guilt…..oh the guilt. You’ll feel like you’re always letting one child down when paying attention to another. Try to carve out some special one on one time with each child.
8. You’ll have forgotten more than you think about the different stages of having a baby. Seriously. You think the first time was a blur?
9. You’ll be more confident. Remember the feeling when they plopped baby number one on you? That…’ok…now what?’ That won’t be there. Well it will be, but to a way lesser extent. You’ll know what to do for the most part.
10. The end game is the prize here. When days are tough and you’ll want to hide in the closet with a bottle of Scotch something miraculous will happen…. like this and you’ll realize that this is why you chose to have two (or more) kids.
So almost 2nd time Momma, hang in there. I hate saying ‘it gets better’ as if what I’m in right now is the worst. It isn’t. So maybe hang in, hang on and you’ll adjust to this new normal.